{"id":15331,"date":"2021-07-28T22:45:04","date_gmt":"2021-07-28T22:45:04","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/webg.us\/?p=15331"},"modified":"2021-07-28T22:45:41","modified_gmt":"2021-07-28T22:45:41","slug":"turning-inward-your-kids-too-in-the-face-of-todays-chaos","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/foojanzeine.com\/turning-inward-your-kids-too-in-the-face-of-todays-chaos\/","title":{"rendered":"Turning Inward (Your Kids, Too) in the Face of Today\u2019s Chaos"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t

If you\u2019re having trouble keeping yourself and your child calm in a world of heightened political tensions and runaway bullying, you\u2019re hardly alone. But while we can\u2019t do much to stop the craziness out there, we can heighten our mindfulness of how we, and our children, react to it inside. This is something most of us don\u2019t actually do\u2014at least not often enough.<\/p>

methods, and how parents everywhere can put them to use. Here is an edited excerpt of our conversation.<\/p><\/div>

Meryl:<\/strong>\u00a0You developed a process to become more aware of ourselves. Is it sort of like mindfulness?<\/p><\/div>

Foojan:<\/strong>\u00a0Something like that. It\u2019s about creating a mindfulness about yourself in relationship with others. When you do that, you react to people differently. Or at least, if you do react from your habits and impulses, you catch yourself faster.<\/p><\/div>

Meryl:<\/strong>\u00a0Why the focus on the \u201cothers\u201d? Isn\u2019t it true that the only person we can control is ourselves?<\/p><\/div>

Foojan:<\/strong>\u00a0We all live in relationships, even if we think we\u2019re isolated. But we\u2019re often unconscious about how we and our children don\u2019t take responsibility for the impacts of what we think, feel, and behave on the world around us. Instead, we project all the problems onto others.<\/p><\/div>

Meryl:\u00a0<\/strong>Your program has people ask themselves how they\u00a0think, feel and behave<\/em>\u00a0about someone creating tension in their life\u2014like a bully. Why are all three important?<\/p><\/div>

Foojan:\u00a0<\/strong>You have to know where the problem is coming from. Is it my\u00a0thoughts<\/em>\u00a0about something, which maybe spring from my culture or what I learned from my own parents; my\u00a0feelings<\/em>, because perhaps I get angry or anxious too easily; or the\u00a0actio<\/em>n I take as a result? Many people don\u2019t know the difference between thoughts and feelings, but you can\u2019t shift something unless you become aware of it.<\/p><\/div>

\"\"<\/a>Meryl:<\/strong>\u00a0After that you want us to ask those questions again, this time about the thoughts, feeling, and behaviors you assume the other person has?<\/p><\/div>

Foojan:<\/strong>\u00a0Of course we don\u2019t know exactly how the other person thinks and feels. But we all make assumptions, whether we\u2019re conscious of them or not. I want people to be aware of the assumptions.<\/p><\/div>

Meryl:<\/strong>\u00a0Can you give me an example?<\/p><\/div>

Foojan:<\/strong>\u00a0I had a client who was bullied in school. He realized he believes the other kid doesn\u2019t like him and thinks he\u2019s weak. That, in turn, makes my client cry and run away. But what if he thought the bully was just playing with him? He might take different actions as a result.<\/p><\/div>

Meryl:<\/strong>\u00a0Is it important for parents to use these tools on themselves, as a way to influence not just themselves but also their child?<\/p><\/div>

Foojan:<\/strong>\u00a0Definitely. Think about the different views a couple might have about politics these days. The default might be to demean the other parent for thinking a certain way, or to lash out angrily. This is something your child sees. What if you instead asked yourself my questions, and then were able to respectfully debate the issues with your partner? Your child would learn a very different way of dealing with disagreements.<\/p><\/div>

Meryl:<\/strong>\u00a0So the current, heightened political polarization might be a good thing, lol?<\/p><\/div>

Foojan:<\/strong>\u00a0Conflicts are always an opportunity to learn!<\/p><\/div>

Meryl:<\/strong>\u00a0Do kids have to be a certain age to get this?<\/p><\/div>

Foojan:<\/strong>\u00a0We\u2019ve done research with college students and now we\u2019re doing it with kids in daycare. Even if a child doesn\u2019t have the words, they can learn this way of being from their parents. Whoever you\u2019re interacting with, the only place you have control is with your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Most of us don\u2019t learn to question those in real time. But we can clean that up and live more fully. For children to learn this from the earliest ages would be amazing.<\/p><\/div>\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

If you\u2019re having trouble keeping yourself and your child calm in a world of heightened political tensions and runaway bullying, you\u2019re hardly alone. But while we can\u2019t do much to stop the craziness out there, we can heighten our mindfulness of how we, and our…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":15182,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[90,89,83,94,87,91,95,82,93,86,84,85],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/foojanzeine.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15331"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/foojanzeine.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/foojanzeine.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/foojanzeine.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/foojanzeine.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=15331"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/foojanzeine.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15331\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/foojanzeine.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/15182"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/foojanzeine.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=15331"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/foojanzeine.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=15331"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/foojanzeine.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=15331"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}